English Weight

Ask me anything   About Me   My Google Diary   

English eyes.
These are my photographs.

Eat Meat - Roll Your Eyes Official Video

I made a music video for my new band.

(Source: youtube.com)

— 2 weeks ago with 1 note

I spilled boiling water on my hand and brain made me shout “SHATNER’S COCK!!”

— 7 months ago

Listen/download: The Lives of Summer Punks by Merry Eiffel Tower High

I finished my new EP today, it’s my tenth in ten years. Listen to it, or download it, for free. I’m proud of it, like I am the other nine. It’s the first time all the songs translated exactly how I wanted them to. Anyway, enjoy

— 7 months ago

Me For You by Merry Eiffel Tower High

New recording for the upcoming EP.

Me For you

I’m not good
Like I thought I was
I thought I was something
But I realised I’m not

And all the pretty young girls
That I used to fuck
Have all moved on
Or grown up

But I still lie here
In my hollowed out bed
With my hollowed out heart
In my hollowed out chest

I slept with girls for their company
Told myself that it’s fine
Because they’re into me
But I just lied to myself
Like I lied to their face
Am I lost, or lonely?

Will you still believe in me
Like I once believed in you?

— 7 months ago with 1 note
#new  #english  #song  #acoutic 
Lorelei

In the summer of 2012 I had become involved with a young girl named Lorelei, during which time I had also begun a quest to defeat my own loneliness in the worst way possible, at the time she was not to know her role in it, which of course was to occupy my bed and distract myself from myself.

​She wasn’t much to me then and purposely so, that I can say as easily as my own name, we stood to be around each other, and most importantly, inside each other. A pretty girl who upon more inspection rose the line to beauty, all her real qualities however lay beneath her sweetly fitted clothes and they whispered my name as she walked just in front of me, or when she lay unaware on top of my bed.

I wanted to touch her for ever. I didn’t want to hear a single word from her unless it was my own name, and she would say it so invitingly, so weakly, that I could stand nothing else but it’s tone pouring from her lips and digging from her finger nails as they scratched each letter of it into the tensed flesh of my back.

​I thought nothing more of what we were doing except that we both knew what we wanted and were sure of what it meant, which was only in the physical inspiration for carnal pleasures. I didn’t treat her well, I didn’t treat her badly either, I just didn’t treat her how I should have. I wouldn’t give a second thought to cancelling or ignoring, of going days without talking, led by unnecessary machismo, believing us safe in a shared contract. I used her like she used me, except it wasn’t the case, she wasn’t using me she was letting me.

I later found out that she let me because she loved me, and sadly in love you take what you can get even if that means less then you deserve. For Lorelei it was less than she deserved.

She loved me and I didn’t even notice.

I was happy to forget myself inside her. She couldn’t have been happy in return, how could anybody? I was a selfish boy, greedy and ignorant, and she fell in love with that version of me, the worst version. It had gripped her and she felt love for it, for me. It’s something I can only ever remember. How she must have hated herself for it.

I need to tell you that that boy wasn’t me. Though age would have me be a man, then, with Lorelei, I was just a boy undoubtedly, men do not deny like that but boys do. I had become convinced in discarding love, something that had always wandered so easily into me, for a pathos I had foolishly romanticised for years. I chose cheaply because I had never done so before and believed it was an experience I needed to taste, and one I continued believing for so long after Lorelei had given up and flew away.

When I eventually knew what I had done to her, I felt as though I had somehow tricked her into believing that I wasn’t something to be loved like that, that what she felt for me was wrong. And it was at the time, for who I was being wasn’t the truth. I lied a child out of me and let it take the reins while I kept who I really was tied up in the back.

Maybe she thought she saw me for who I really was? Maybe when we burned together in our beds she caught sparks and flashes of the man not the boy? When I carried on taking she must have become convinced she was wrong and so left for good. She loved me then, and I love her now, as the man, not the boy.

But of course, she had never met him.

It’s seems unnecessary to regret decisions I was once so convinced in, but it’s unavoidable to just know I could have done it all so differently, so much more truthfully, and spare the heart of a girl who couldn’t help herself. Or at least take it how a heart deserves to be taken, as a straight swap, nothing more, nothing less.

Poor Lorelei, young and in love, having knew me then.

How stupid she must have felt.

How stupid I feel now.

— 1 year ago with 6 notes

The Swellers, Europe 2012. 

B-roll: Goofs and Ice Creams

— 1 year ago with 20 notes

Jono and I skype and we pull stupid faces and we laugh like idiots and rap about killing people and kissing things, then we talk about life and girls and everything else that doesn’t matter and he is a dear friend who I wish wasn’t thousands of miles away so we could pretend we were dinosaurs and walk funny and drink coffee and be dumb guys together while we figure everything out and be radical.

— 1 year ago with 16 notes
Self portrait, circa 2008

Self portrait, circa 2008

— 1 year ago with 2 notes
#Drawing  #portrait  #self 
Cary Grant, drawn for a show flyer. One continuous line drawing.

Cary Grant, drawn for a show flyer. One continuous line drawing.

— 1 year ago with 6 notes
#Blakfish  #youves  #carey grant 
I use to draw a lot.

I use to draw a lot.

— 1 year ago
#Girl  #Drawing 
jonathandiener:

Please pick up our new self funded, mostly self recorded and self released EP. 

Only $4 minimum donation and you can donate however much you want if you like what we’re doing!

Http://theswellers.bandcamp.com



My beaut friends have this for pre-order. So proud of it and the effort involved and also what it means. Full family effort. Pick up, support hard work at the very least. And, I shot the cover and inside.

jonathandiener:

Please pick up our new self funded, mostly self recorded and self released EP.

Only $4 minimum donation and you can donate however much you want if you like what we’re doing!

Http://theswellers.bandcamp.com

My beaut friends have this for pre-order. So proud of it and the effort involved and also what it means. Full family effort. Pick up, support hard work at the very least. And, I shot the cover and inside.
— 1 year ago with 25 notes